How assertive are you?

Assertiveness is a key skill for personal development, drawing on a blend of critical thinking, emotional intelligence, empathy, self-confidence, and self-esteem. Being assertive helps you clearly communicate your needs and boundaries, whilst considering those of others, find compromises that work for everyone whilst protecting your boundaries.

Assertiveness is a fine balance of behaviours, neither too forceful nor too timid. It isn’t about an aggressive mindset, being the loudest in the room, always getting your way with little regard for others nor is it a passive leader putting others first, for fear of conflict, a desire to be liked, or a lack in confidence to stand firm in their own beliefs.  This style helps build respect, clarity, and inclusivity whether across your team or across an organisation. Being assertive creates an environment where others can see the effect that clear and effective communication has, improving engagement, encouraging others to speak up and challenge, increasing buy in to drive forward objectives in a transparent, inclusive and positive way.

Developing an assertive mindset takes time and practice. Knowing when and how to express your needs and boundaries respectfully, finding the balance between when to stand firm and when to compromise, or when to say nothing. Used well it can be highly effective to open up discussions to find common ground and agreement. Asking for what you want, saying no when you feel it’s necessary is not wrong or selfish – because you are considering others at the same time.

There are challenges people face in demonstrating assertiveness such as self-esteem issues or a fear of criticism or retaliation. It is important to recognise and overcome these as resulting behaviours otherwise may be more passive, passive-aggressive or aggressive. Training and ongoing practice will help to develop a confident, self-assured, emotionally intelligent mindset where you recognise your own boundaries and self-worth, whilst respecting others’ boundaries and finding the right balance.

• Trust yourself. Don’t apologise or over explain. Keep eye contact/a level and calm speaking manner and confident posture to reenforce your points. Believe in what you’re saying, and others will be more likely to believe in these also.
• “I” allow you to express your feelings honestly and opens up to constructive dialogue. “I would like it if you could provide your report by the agreed deadline, otherwise it is having a knock on effect on me pulling together reports from all the team on time” is more effective than “You need to stop being late with your report” because you are explaining how their actions impact you and what you need from them and is an opportunity for them to explain why they aren’t meeting the agreed deadline.
• Clear, concise, polite, firm and open communication ensures there are no misunderstandings and everyone has been heard. Demonstrating confident, transparent decisiveness behaviour will win respect. Repetition can be a useful tool, you may need to find different ways to reinforce the same message. Consistency will demonstrate your confidence in your own belief.
• Don’t bow to pressure. If you are being asked something you aren’t in a position or comfortable to respond on immediately agree that you will respond when you are in a position to, and if it is something you can’t agree to be honest.